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Re: Johnny Appletree
"“What’s so dangerous about seeds?” He asked. Maybe Max was allergic? He wondered." Don't capitalize either "he". "Cant eat fruit.” He said flatly." Ditto here, and add an apostrophe in ...
Oct 16, 2007 -
Re: A Tragic Tale of Young Epic Romance, Eragon, etc.
Yes, she did. I have a confession-- I did too. Saw Paolini and got Eldest signed, too. I just may read Empire (my guess on what it'll most likely be ...
Oct 16, 2007 -
Re: Whisky on a Sunday: Year 1
This is a very interesting idea, and I hope you'll post more. Very good storytelling and dialogue too. I... can't find any grammar or spelling errors, and I'm horrible at ...
Oct 16, 2007 -
Re: YWS Highwind
"Staring Clicked a few buttons and the Highwind zipped into space faster than light." You mean "clicked". Also, you may want to replace this with "tapped" because of this: "Adam ...
Oct 16, 2007 -
Re: Jim Williams and the Doom-ness of Doom
"Expelliarmis!" he roared. 'Tis spelled Expelliarmus. with Professor Dumbledoor It's Dumbledore. Now to praise: This is so funny! You need to post more, so I can learn from you for ...
Oct 11, 2007 -
Re: Bush Is Gay!
XD Hahaha! This is hilarious! If only it were true... Anyway, everything I noticed was already pointed out in the other reviews, so I have nothing to offer but praise. ...
Oct 10, 2007 -
Re: Calik
"All had long swords in their hands and all looked liked they knew how to use them." Instead: "All four had long swords in their hands and (no all) looked ...
Sep 22, 2007 -
Re: Not all men are pigs
Bwaha, that ending is FUNNY. But vote Obama. I believe I am one of the non-pig males. While saying this kind of makes me a pig automatically, I don't care ...
Sep 6, 2007 -
Re: The Other Way
Um, well, I dunno how one can really review a piece like this. I'm glad my piece has achieved cult status such that one would make something based off of ...
Aug 30, 2007 -
Re: The Last Prophet
Yeah, that was the impression I sort of picked up on... Something like that. I don't think it's always just a given that fragments and same-syntax sentences are bad, it ...
Aug 27, 2007 -
Re: I Watch As She Kills Herself
...Whoa. This was a rather pleasant twist on the usual "oh look at me I'm so emo, and now i'll kill myself", and yet I suppose pleasant isn't the right ...
Aug 24, 2007 -
Re: Atreyin: Chapter One
It was pretty good. I like the whole hacking wizards thing, it was new. I think it drew back to a Harry Potter thing every now and then but I ...
Jul 30, 2007 -
Re: Prologue: The Gargoyles of St. Ephriam
NO! If that's all, then it's perfect, apparently. Gah... She has this bad habit too! Btw, glad to see you're correcting it Inky. You AREN'T supposed to capitalize that. TRUST ...
Jul 29, 2007 -
Re: Unknown Story Chap. 8 part 1
"He felt the wind blow by his face and the grass blow by his feet. He glanced down and saw how fast he was pushing himself. He glanced back and ...
Jul 24, 2007 -
Re: Conquering Boredom
LOVE it. It's the mocking itself cliche story with no point but to be silly I've always wanted to write. It reminds me sort of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the ...
Jul 23, 2007
